Back to "Normal"

Finally there is a little peace in my house. My husband has gone back to work after a week long vacation, the kids are back at school today, and, at last I have a little peace and quiet this morning. Don't get me wrong, I like the holidays and having some company and everything, but it really is stressful to have a house full of people. Having four kids, two dogs, and two birds all the time, you would think having extra people in the house wouldn't be that big of a deal, but it is. Our house is routinely a loud, messy place, but the change in routine messes me up. Even having my husband home on holidays throws me off a bit, and usually makes me grumpy. All normalcy goes out the window when he is home. He is one of the biggest mess-makers there is. He also likes to be pampered and catered to when he is home which is something I have a low tolerance for. I get so resentful because I am the only one doing any work. I never get a "vacation." The regular running of a household must continue whether there is a break from work and school or not. The household responsibilities fall squarely on my shoulders and it gets to me sometimes. For just one day, I would like to be responsibility free, and by that I mean not having to do any of my usual chores. For the last 21 years, if I happen to  spend time away from home shopping or something else, when I come home, there is a mess left for me to clean up. The girls and I went to church yesterday and when we left, my husband was sitting in his pajamas staring at the computer. I left the bed unmade, the dishwasher unemptied, the carpet unvacuumed, and the dogs had the run of the house. Guess what I walked into when I got home a couple of hours later? That's right, the same damn mess that was there when I left, so I promptly got to work doing stuff I really don't want to do on a Sunday afternoon. My husband said yesterday that he is going to invite his mother, sister and nephew to our house for Christmas. I can hardly wait! I think turnabout is fair play, so I will leave the meal planning and preparation, the cleaning and supervising all to him. After all, I think I deserve a little break after entertaining my family this past week.

On the Hunt (for Bonnie)

I am missing my Bonnie. Bonnie Hunt, that is. Ever since the powers that be decided to stop taping her show, I have been lost. I have been forced into watching the "Rachel Ray" show, and then that stupidest of morning time killers, "Let's Make a Deal." I know, I know, I'm not really being forced to watch anything, and many times I choose not to turn on the television in the morning when I am getting ready for work (I work in the afternoon). Rachel Ray is okay, I guess, but she is so loud and it feels like she is using her voice as a weapon. The show is also such a weird mix of cooking and serious subjects that I just don't enjoy it all that much. Rachel is lacking that sharp as a tack sense of humor that Bonnie has. Also, Bonnie just seems like me. Like we could be instant friends, I don't get that feeling from Rachel Ray, she is a bit too harsh for me. That other waste of time I mentioned, "Let's Make a Deal" is such a cheap show. The contestants should never take anything other than the sure thing because they almost always lose. The show is just too cheap (unlike "The Price is Right"--which I do sort of like) and cheesy. Anyway, I really, really miss you Bonnie! Your mom and Don and all the gang too. Where are you? What projects are you working on? How is Charlie? I miss you!!!

So Many Unknowns

Yesterday I wrote a post about how this Chapter 13 bankruptcy is slowly killing me, and it truly is, I think. I have so many unanswered questions and the lawyer is not very helpful. Most of the information I have found out by searching on the internet and from the free webinar from Stephen Snyder, but it seems that most of the information out there is in regard to Chapter 7 bankruptcies. I have no idea what I should be doing now to rebuild my credit. On of the things Stephen Snyder says to do is to get a prepaid Visa or MasterCard, but there is no way I can do that because you have to have money to deposit into that Visa or MasterCard. All of our money is going to the trustee and what little is leftover pays for a few groceries, gasoline and essentials for my kids. It seems to me that people who file Chapter 7--who walk away without being required to pay back anything-- have more options than people like me who are trying to do the right thing and trying to pay back as much as possible. To make me feel even worse, that awful trustee looked me in the eye and said that if I couldn't prove that I was giving money to my church, then she would have to raise our monthly payment even more. Since we have begun payments to the trustee (nearly $6000 per month), I have been unable to give much to my church on any regular basis. If the money is in my wallet, I put it in the plate. Our lawyer said that if you want to just not give money to the church and save it for a vacation (what a joke!) then no one would even question it. I am so discouraged. We made a mistake, and are trying to do the right thing, but we are never going to recover at this rate. If anyone out there has any good, true knowledge about rebuilding credit while in a Chapter 13 bankruptcy, please let me know!

This is Killing Me!

I noticed that it has been almost a month since I have last written a post. There was a time when I was spitting out at least one new post a week. It seems this bankruptcy thing is sucking every last bit of life out of me. I have noticed lately that I just don't enjoy anything the way I used to. It feels like I am in jail and am serving at least a five year sentence. Every minute of every day, I am worried about money, and if we are going to make it to the next paycheck. This is no way to live my life. I keep trying to change my thinking about this, but I just get so bogged down with worry. With the holidays coming up, there is even more worry. I have already told the girls  there won't be much gift giving this year. After the payment to the trustee, there is only enough money to buy a few groceries. On weeks that there are other expenses like lunch money or clothes, I really sweat it. It is no longer fun to think about having all the family over for Thanksgiving. All I can think about is how much more money  I am going to have to spend, not only on the extra food items, but on extra toilet paper, our water bill will be higher, our electric bill will go up, so will our heating bill. All of these things are now worrisome to me. Before, I was just so happy to have everyone over, having a good time, now the joy is gone. Everything seems like a joke to me. I need to have my carpets cleaned, and our truck needs a little work. Our mattress needs to be replaced, and before this stupid bankruptcy, we would have been able to get all these little things taken care of. My husband said that we should just get a mattress that would count for Christmas, Anniversary, and birthday gifts to each other. Well, that's a nice idea, but there isn't money for any of those gifts now and there won't be any later, there is never any leftover money to even put in our savings, so saying something like that, to me, is just meaningless. There just isn't any point in planning on anything. The best I can do is pay the bills we have, scrape up enough to buy groceries and hope to God nothing catastrophic happens. Again, if you are considering filing for bankruptcy, my advice is to do anything possible, check into any alternative you can, before filing--this is hell and it is killing me slowly.