Still Here

We are now in our final year of a Chapter 13 bankruptcy. It has been difficult to get to a place where there is hope. I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel and hopefully for this last year, things will go smoothly. Looking back on the last four years, I have to say that I have been miserable, worried, humbled, strengthened, and cautious. Sometimes all of these things at once. This experience has changed me and I think that is the point of the whole thing; to change your thoughts about money, change the way you handle your money. It makes you slow down and consider where every cent must go. It makes you realize that no one is really on your side and that all you really have to rely on is yourself. Lawyers don't care, trustees certainly don't care and the government just wants you to comply and pay everyone back. My adivce to anyone starting a Chapter 13 is to expect to work harder on this than your lawyer, put your head down and do whatever you are told, slow down, try to find little things that can help you feel happy because sometimes things look very dark. You are not actually sent to "debtor's prison" anymore, but you are in a prison without bars until you have paid what you owe. Remember that and push through.

Still Hanging (by our fingernails) In There-Chapter 13 Bankruptcy Year 4

Well, it has been another year since I last posted about how things were going while we are slogging our way through this Chapter 13 bankruptcy. I have to say that sometimes things seem a little easier, but most of the time our life is a struggle. We are always coming up short. My husband and I have been working harder than ever and our income increased slightly due to my getting a raise last year. This may seem like a great thing, but it really just causes more anxiety because, you might have guessed it, our payment to the trustee will be going up. Two steps forward and about three back!

As far as the other things that have happened that I think are directly related to the stress of the bankruptcy, we are tenuously stable at the moment. The last year has not been without trouble. I have been in counseling and really do not sleep well. Our marriage is still rocky, but we are still together. Our children have been showing signs of stress as well, and now one of them has been put on antidepressants and is in counseling. I don't think lawyers and people who have never gone through something like this can truly understand how extremely difficult it is to continue life while trying to do the right thing and pay back as much debt as possible. We still do not go anywhere or do anything. Holidays and birthdays are a struggle. Summertime gets especially difficult because I work in a school, so there are no paychecks for me for three months. Many might say "Why don't you just get a summer job?" That is something I have considered but they are hard to and we would have to figure out transportation, and sometimes working at a minimum wage job ends up costing more than just staying home and working on the house and yard and regrouping for the next school year.

This journey has been rough and I don't expect it to get much better, but at least we are surviving and we both have jobs. Let's hope next year will start to look a little brighter.

The Walking Dead Season 3!

Is anyone else out there as excited as I am about the new season of The Walking Dead?  My husband and I have been watching this series since its first season. It has to be one of the best series on television right now. It seems unlikely that a forty-something woman would enjoy a zombie apocalypse show as much as I do, but I am not joking, it is an excellent drama! There are so many things that can be learned from the show and so many moral dilemmas that it is impossible to watch the show and not have a deep and lengthy discussion about it afterward. I LOVE the show and I cannot wait for the October 14 premiere!

Chapter 13 Bankruptcy-Year 3

We are now a couple of months into our third year of paying off our debts through a Chapter 13 bankruptcy. With all honesty, I have to say that things seem a tiny bit easier now. I am not sure if I have just become accustomed to living life on the brink of falling off  a cliff with nothing to catch me, or if things have truly become more of a way of life for us. For so many things, we have just had to let go. We don't go on vacations--not even day trips or family visits. We are no longer able to purchase the healthiest, natural foods at the grocery store, we conserve and do without a lot of stuff we used to take for granted. I am now working full time and my husband has taken on a second job, so we have a little more money to work with, but we still have to be extremely careful with how we spend our money each week. We also still worry that at anytime, something could go wrong with our house, or our cars or our health and then we don't really know how we would handle it. We have no savings at all anymore. Every penny we make that doesn't get paid to the trustee goes to our monthly living expenses. One other rather disturbing development has been that I have been diagnosed with high blood pressure. Not just high blood pressure, but DANGEROUSLY high high blood pressure. 198/110 was high enough to make the doctor not allow me to leave her office until it came down a little and she prescribed medication for blood pressure and an antidepressant. Living on the edge of financial ruin everyday for the last three years has taken its toll. Our marriage has been rough, our relationships with friends and family have changed, and our health has certainly changed. These are all things that no one tells you about when you meet with lawyers and credit counselors. These are the things that you must find a way to shore up before you take the plunge into a Chapter 13. Good luck!

Spring Fever Comes Early

We have had three days of record high temperatures this week. It is still technically winter, but it feels like late June, early July. The grass is turning green and there are little buds on my weeping cherry tree. I do believe Spring Fever has broken out at my house! I am not a radical global warming alarmist, but it does seem that our weather has been strange. We have had other years like this, when we went straight from winter to summer, so I guess I do believe that weather is not static and that our planet is a living, "breathing", ever-changing entity. Weather seems to cycle around and everyone wants to pin blame on a lot of different things. I choose not to blame, but to look at it as our planet doing what it needs to do to continue giving us what we need. We also need to do as much as we can to help our planet thrive. Happy (early) Spring!

Some Kind of Crazy--Michael Jordan B-ball Shoes?

I don't know about anyone else out there, but I am appalled and a little frightened by the recent idiocy of the folks in Indianapolis over a few pairs of $180 (are you flippin' kidding me?) basketball shoes. With the economy sucking as bad as it is, I am surprised that anyone is spending their money on such a stupid item. Who cares? People were so eager to get the shoes that they tore a store door off its hinges and trampled other human beings! Unbelievable! One woman left her children in a car in order to get the shoes--she was later arrested for leaving them. So these people who were acting like fools and criminals to get a pair of the shoes were saying that it was "business" and they were going to sell them for a profit? Seems to me their energy should be spend doing better things like getting real jobs, or tending to their children, or contemplating the new year. . . anything but acting like idiots for one pair of stupid shoes. If a person is that desperate to make money to feed their families, or whatever the reason was for acting like an animal, I would rather they beg in the streets for money like they do here in Fort Wayne, just a few miles northeast of Indianapolis. What embarrassing, and shameful behavior those people displayed. A pair of shoes! Really???!

Goodbye, 2011!

I will not be sad to see this year finally come to an end. I believe it has been one of the most difficult years in my life. So many challenges have come my way in the last year that I am looking forward to starting a new year. The bankruptcy has not been the easiest thing to deal with, and while we had hopes that it would relieve us a bit, we are worse off this year than last. With that being said, however, I believe in the end, when we finish paying, and emerge from this long, deep financial fog, we will be stronger, and better for going through it. We now are each working full time, and my husband has taken on a second job just to make ends meet, but it is good to be working hard and trying to do what is right and good. Hopefully, 2012 will bring a little relief, or at least a little bit of respite from the constant worry that we have now become accustomed to. So, to any of you who have been reading my blog entries about filing for bankruptcy, again, my advice would be if at all possible, DO NOT DO IT! If you find that you simply must file, please do so with your eyes wide open and be prepared for an extremely bumpy ride.     Here's to a happier new year!