Children at Play

I like watching children play. I know that sounds weird, but I am a mother of four as well as a classroom assistant at a special education preschool. Watching kids is what I do. They fascinate me and it is wonderful to watch how a child's play progresses and changes as they grow older, and wiser. For example, I am a special education assistant and have been working one-on-one with a visually impaired preschooler who was a student in the class for younger kids. I had the opportunity to work some extra hours and stayed for the afternoon class. That class is composed mostly of children who are older, preparing to go on to Kindergarten in the Fall. The difference in the way the morning and the afternoon classes played was remarkable. The younger kids mostly played by themselves, once in awhile engaging in side-by-side play with their classmates. In the afternoon, the children were much more organized and elaborate in their play. They set up the kitchen and served dinner to all their classmates who could/would participate. It fascinates me how even children who have learning problems (these classes have a whole range of special needs from hearing impairment, blindness, autism, & neurological disorders) play at varying levels of maturity. It was so fun to watch. It has been fun watching my own children as well, particularly my youngest who is eight. This summer, she is really turning into an interesting and funny kid. She has progressed from being timid at the swimming pool, to a confident little fish. She has also become quite the comedian, and even though she is on the cusp of being an "older kid" she still enjoys imaginative play and has been playing with her new Jessie (from Toy Story) doll every morning this week. She dug out all the old Toy Story toys from her older sisters and has substituted an American Girl doll's horse for Bullseye from the movie. I just love it. The messes that are made drive me absolutely crazy (both at school and at home) but watching children play is worth it.

Is It Worth It?

Is it worth your child's life to let him or her live her "lifelong" dream of sailing alone around the world? Is a sixteen year old capable of even having  "lifelong" dream? I am referring, of course, to the young lady, Abby Sunderland, who is attempting to sail around the world. She ran into a bit of trouble somewhere in the Indian Ocean, and everyone started to panic. I have a seventeen year old that I have apoplectic fits about when I know she is out driving my car, I would never allow her to try to sail a boat by herself in Lake Webster, let alone sail around the world. I would not even let her drive cross-country alone--I will have none of it. Granted, this Sunderland gal has been "sailing" all her life, so she probably has a pretty good idea about how to do it, but I am reminded of a little girl, Jessica Dubroff, the seven year old whose "dream" it was to be the youngest pilot to fly across the country. At the time, my now seventeen year old was about five years old and I did a comparison of her to that little girl back then. I had a bad feeling about that stunt then, and sure enough, it ended tragically with the little girl flying her plane in terrible weather and crashing. Her life was gone. Just like that. The parents had the power to say "no, I don't think it is a good idea" but they chose to let the little girl have her way, or chose notoriety over common sense, and a life was lost. While it looks like this Abby is going to be okay, for now anyway, I think that any kid who is younger than eighteen really doesn't have the ability to see the dangers and mishaps that can come along with any risky behavior. Children and teenagers just don't have the ability to think things out in a logical way. They need parents to say they love them and their lives are more valuable than any risk or notoriety that would be attached to the risky activity.

You Have to be Carefully Taught

Do you remember the song entitled "Carefully Taught" from the musical "South Pacific? I was reminded of that song recently, but not necessarily because of the lesson about racism that the song is trying to give. One of my daughters is at that funny age of fourteen; and by funny, I don't mean funny ha-ha, I mean funny weird. Anyway, she is in a group of "friends" that I find quite fascinating. These girls are all from similar, upper-middle class families, but boy are they different in what they have been taught! These girls are all assigned to the same lunch table, so they eat together everyday. My daughter was the "new girl" last Spring when we moved back to this area after living out of state for a couple of years. My daughter got reacquainted with several of her former buddies and has become friends with some new girls as well. Some of these girls are nice and some are rather unpleasant, but that is life, so I have told my daughter that she just needs to be kind to everyone; she doesn't have to be best friends with everyone, however. I have taught, and continue to teach her that all people matter.

Here is the thing that reminded me of the song, and it really doesn't have anything to do with the racism theme, but rather the "carefully taught" theme. This group of lunch girls decided that they were going to do the "Secret Santa" activity among the girls at their table. They all put their names in a hat and drew out a name. My daughter got the name of a girl she doesn't really know very well, but she took it upon herself to ask one of her closer friends about what this girl would like to get as a small gift. There is another girl at this table whom my daughter knew before we moved and we are well acquainted with her parents (her dad delivered my youngest daughter when she was born). In fact, I even know this girl's uncle, and my parents know her grandparents. I thought they were pretty decent people, however, the more I learn about this girl, the more I wonder about how much and what her parents are teaching her. It seems a minor thing, but this girl told the other girls that my daughter and one other girl should be left out of the gift exchange because "no one knows them." Really? How rude and mean can a kid get? At this age especially, being singled out as different or not as good is devastating! What in the world are her parents teaching her? That only she counts? Only people whom she deems worthy count? If this girl is like this at the age of fourteen, what is she going to be like at 17 or as adult? This kind of "me first, me only" attitude that people are teaching their children either by words or example is very troubling to me. What is the world going to be like when all these kids are adults? It scares me to death! I know I am not the only parent who is trying to teach my children to be kind, tactful, and considerate to all people, but it seems that parents like me are getting hard to find. Am I alone here? Does anyone else believe that children must be "carefully taught?"

Stop Crying! Your Tears Will Freeze!

I had to apologize this morning to my seven-year-old. Every single morning, that kid cannot find her shoes. This morining was no different. It was time for the bus to come and she couldn't find her shows. I crabbed at her and raled about how you should always put your things in the same place so that you can find them easily the next morning. On and on I went, reducing her to tears. After I remembered that she had taken her tennies off in the basement to put on her winter boots, she was ready to go. The last thing I said to her as she went out the door was, "Wipe those tears off your face, they will freeze." It was 2 degrees this morning when she hustled down the crispy driveway to catch the bus. Fast forward. . . I take my shower and get ready to go to my daughter's school because I help in her classroom on Friday mornings. I get completely dressed, but I couldn't find my tennis shoes! I looked all over and could not find those darn things. Of course, I hear the very words I shouted so nastily to my daughter going around and around in my head! I never did find my shoes; I had to pull on my super-cool cowboy boots and scoot out the door. The last thing I said to myself this morning as I went out the door into the frigid morning air was, "Stop crying, your tears will freeze!" Man, it's tough to be a mom sometimes!

Sweet Sixteen

My oldest "baby" was born sixteen years ago today. The old saying that I used to get so tired of hearing when my girls were all tiny was, "they grow up so quickly!" I would internally roll my eyes every time some well meaning senior citizen would say that to me. Now, I realize that there is some truth to that phrase. It doesn't seem possible that sixteen years have come and gone. My daughter is growing up to be a really neat person. She has a lot going for her. She has a great sense of humor, she is an excellent student, she is very creative and she is a loyal friend. I like the young lady she is becoming and even though it scares me to death to think about her growing up and leaving me, I know that that is exactly where she is headed and exactly the way things should be. Happy Sweet Sixteen!

Gene Simmons & Shannon Tweed Are Great Parents!

I have never been a big fan of the band KISS, but lately, I have been addicted to the cable show, Gene Simmons: Family Jewels. Gene Simmons and his partner of 25 years, Shannon Tweed are just good parents. Their teenage kids seem so grounded for having a shock rocker for a dad, and a Playboy Playmate for a mother. They seem to love their parents and respect them. Sure, there is a smattering of bad language from the son, Nick, but the dynamics of the family is a great example of how communicating openly and using humor instead of anger can make a family strong. The show is full of funny stuff--all four family members have a sense of humor, and poor Gene is always embarrassing his wife and kids. The family works and it is great to see, especially these days when "celebrities" are saturating the cable channels with all their drama and antics about their lives. The all seem so unstable and self-centered, wanting to shove their very young children into the spotlight. At least the Simmons/Tweed family is more focused on making sure the kids are safe and happy and they seem more "normal" than most of the other celebrity parents out there. Gene Simmons: Family Jewels airs on the A&E channel on Sunday nights at 9:30, it is an entertaining show and I have learned a few things about parenting from it, believe it or not!

KidZui Internet for Kids Available Today-Free!

Just out today is a great way for kids aged 3-12 to "surf the net" safely. Since I have three children who fall into that age range, it sounds like a really great site for them. The online service is free and has been reviewed by professionals and parents so that parents who have an account can feel confident that the sites their children are visiting are kid-friendly. My youngest daughter has tried to follow her fifteen-year-old sister's trips into the internet by logging onto www.YouTube.com by herself. I enjoy a funny video on YouTube now and then, but I certainly don't want my six-year-old venturing into that area without restrictions and supervision. It sounds like KidZui will be just what I need for my younger children. If you are interested in checking out what the site has to offer, you can visit at www.kidzui.com. Have fun!

Autistic Boy Banned from Church-Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Earlier this week Good Morning America ran a story about an autistic boy who had been banned from attending church. The usual tone of this story started to unfold: once again, an "evil" institution has wronged someone. Sometimes stories like this bring about change and awareness of problems and help others understand situations. This story leaves me with extremely mixed feelings. Before I was a stay-at-home mom, I was a social worker at an agency that served mentally handicapped people. One of my jobs was to distribute meds at lunchtime. We would always do this job in pairs and fortunately for me, this was standard procedure because one afternoon an autistic worker approached me from behind and got me in a choke-hold. Thank goodness my partner turned around and helped get our client off of me. This particular client was not very big, and was not particularly violent, and I don't think he really wanted to harm me, but nevertheless, I could have been choked until I was unconscious or worse.
So, back to the boy in Minnesota. He is thirteen years old and already is a big fellow weighing in at over 250 pounds and six feet tall--no match for most kids his age, and bigger than a great number of others who might be attending church. As far as we have come with issues of inclusion and tolerance, this sort of issue continues to cause upheaval and discontent. The mother of the boy insists that the boy belongs in church, and indeed needs to be there because he needs more of what God can give him. Unfortunately, I disagree with this mother and have to side with the church (even though exclusion is not usually what I tend to agree with). It sounds like the priest at the church has done everything in his power to provide worship opportunities for the boy including mediation, video feed in another room, home worship--all have been rejected by the boy's mother. I think the mother is only thinking of her son being excluded and not even considering the consequences of what would happen if he hurt himself or someone else. The boy has apparently had violent outbursts in addition to verbal outbursts at the church before. How could this mother want to put her son, the church and herself at risk of being sued, or having some tragedy occur? The church had no other choice and I would venture to say that even though the family has found another church that will accept the boy at services, all it will take is one incident, and the new church will be forced into making the same difficult and painful decision to turn the boy away. God can be present in all places, not just a building called a church,
God wants us to come to Him, but He knows our hearts and can be present with the boy regardless of his attendence in a building.