Back to "Normal"

Finally there is a little peace in my house. My husband has gone back to work after a week long vacation, the kids are back at school today, and, at last I have a little peace and quiet this morning. Don't get me wrong, I like the holidays and having some company and everything, but it really is stressful to have a house full of people. Having four kids, two dogs, and two birds all the time, you would think having extra people in the house wouldn't be that big of a deal, but it is. Our house is routinely a loud, messy place, but the change in routine messes me up. Even having my husband home on holidays throws me off a bit, and usually makes me grumpy. All normalcy goes out the window when he is home. He is one of the biggest mess-makers there is. He also likes to be pampered and catered to when he is home which is something I have a low tolerance for. I get so resentful because I am the only one doing any work. I never get a "vacation." The regular running of a household must continue whether there is a break from work and school or not. The household responsibilities fall squarely on my shoulders and it gets to me sometimes. For just one day, I would like to be responsibility free, and by that I mean not having to do any of my usual chores. For the last 21 years, if I happen to  spend time away from home shopping or something else, when I come home, there is a mess left for me to clean up. The girls and I went to church yesterday and when we left, my husband was sitting in his pajamas staring at the computer. I left the bed unmade, the dishwasher unemptied, the carpet unvacuumed, and the dogs had the run of the house. Guess what I walked into when I got home a couple of hours later? That's right, the same damn mess that was there when I left, so I promptly got to work doing stuff I really don't want to do on a Sunday afternoon. My husband said yesterday that he is going to invite his mother, sister and nephew to our house for Christmas. I can hardly wait! I think turnabout is fair play, so I will leave the meal planning and preparation, the cleaning and supervising all to him. After all, I think I deserve a little break after entertaining my family this past week.

The Pace Quickens

School started yesterday, so now the whole pace of life speeds up. We get up earlier and try to squeeze as much as we can out of the day. It feels like it is just too "early" to start school up. Mid August in Indiana is always hot and humid. We have had a cool and dry summer, but now it is starting to heat up. The high school is in the middle of a huge construction project so the kids don't have air conditioning, nor do they have regular lunches. What a mess! My oldest came home a sweaty mess yesterday. It must be difficult to concentrate when you've had a crappy lunch and sweat is dripping into your eyes!
In addition to the transition into the school year, I had a job interview with another school system that is hiring. The job is part-time, and is in the Special Education department, but I thought it could work for me since the hours are basically during the time all my kids are in school. It would be a big adjustment for the family though. Six hours of the day without me being able to run errands, do laundry, clean, mow, and take kids to appointments will make a big wave in the family ocean! I don't know if I can handle it. I guess if I am offered the job, I will have to figure all that other stuff out and move ahead. Happy changes!

I'm All For Hybrid Cars, But. . .

I saw an article that said 6 in 10 people would purchase a hybrid or "green" car. I would consider myself as one of the 6 who would be willing to purchase one, however, before I could ever actually purchase one, two things must be true. First, the sale price must be competitive. Right now, the hybrids that are available are too expensive, so purchasing one is currently out of the question for my family. The second thing (and it is the deal killer) is that the vehicle MUST be able to carry all members of my family and our accompanying junk. We are a family of six. As of right now, we own two vehicles that can (uncomfortably) carry all six of us, but not all of our things. Going to my mother-in-law's for the weekend is a dreadful task because we either have to stuff everything in every nook and cranny of the car and travel for 3 1/2 hours even more uncomfortably, or we have to stuff everything in an overhead carrier which takes more effort than it is worth. I miss my Suburban!!!! If the government is going to require all cars to eventually be "green" then the car manufacturers need to come up with cars that can actually serve the owners; not the other way around. It wouldn't make any sense for us to purchase a Prius or anything like that because we would need three of them just to take a weekend trip. That is pretty foolish if you ask me. So, come on American car companies, use your ingenuity and come up with a great, economical, environmentally responsible family vehicle! Do the right thing for a change!

Holiday Celebrating Is Coming to an End

It has been a whirlwind of activities since December 20, and now it is winding down with our last guests leaving for their flight home today. All the scurrying around started on December 2oth when my husband flew "home" for two weeks to be with us during the entire Christmas Break. My parents drove 600 miles and arrived here on December 22nd; they left this morning to start out on their yearly migration South to Florida. My sister and her family flew here on Saturday for a rather abbreviated visit since their original flight was cancelled due to the bad weather in Indiana. During this holiday, we have been to Arlington Cemetery, The National Spy Museum, the Lincoln Memorial, Washington Monument, and the newly refurbished American History Museum. Our legs were pounding the pavement all over Washington, D.C. and it was fun to see all the preparations being made for President-Elect Obama's inauguration. There is much to be done before that momentous day! Some review stands along the parade route have started to take shape, and row after row of bleachers are being set up. So far, no sign of "porta-potties" but I am sure they are on order. The White House looks beautiful with it's Christmas dressings, which I suppose will be replaced soon with the buntings and flags for the welcoming of its new tenant. All in all, our visits with family were good. Our house, that continues to be on the market, also had several visits from interested buyers (much to my surprise!). In less than a week, my husband will be boarding an airplane and heading back to Indiana to get back to work. We all keep hoping that 2009 has good things in store for us--the last two years haven't been all that great, but if our house here in the Washington Metro area sells, things will really be looking up for us!

Recovering From Company

My parents were here this week; just left for home this morning. I was both sad and happy to see them go. Don't get me wrong; I like having company--for the most part anyway, but it is exhausting! With just our usual schedule, we seem to be running around like crazy people. Add just too senior citizens into the mix, and things seem to run amok. It felt like we were always taking the kids somewhere, waiting for someone to come home, going to grocery store, or doing dishes. Meal planning and preparations are such a bear when my parents are here. They are both diabetic, so I don't like to have them stray too far off their usual routine. Their eating schedule rarely fit into our running around kind of lifestyle. We also didn't want them to feel like they were just sitting around, so we took them to Washington, D.C. one day, and to a museum another day. We went to an arts and crafts festival, and also squeezed in a couple of shopping trips. I am exhausted! Now I have to laundry and the other household things that I let go so I could entertain my guests. We will be having more company in addition to my parents returning to spend Christmas here. I hope I will be fully rested up by then!

Road Trip!

Tomorrow is the big day! All four girls and I are taking a road trip back home to Indiana. It seems strange, but I am more excited about going there than I was about going to Disney World last week. It has been almost a year since we moved and I am still very homesick, as are all the rest of my family. I think only the dog is happy here, and really, she is just happy anywhere we are. There are only 397 days left until we can make a clean break from here, and I just can't wait. My husband said something the other night as we were getting ready for bed. It was sort of funny, but sad at the same time, and I was feeling the same way. He said, "You know how when you are on a vacation, and you are getting toward the end of it and you are sort of looking forward to getting back home? Well, I was thinking that, and then I remembered what home we were going back to, and I wasn't so ready to go back." When we were boarding the airplane heading from Orlando to Dulles, I had forgotten that we weren't going home, home, we were going to the Virginia home, and I too, was feeling a little let down. I think this summer and the next school year will go fast as they all seem to do, and in no time, we will be looking toward finding a new home, back home and that will be one of the happiest days in my life!

Back From Disney; On To Indiana

We had a great week in Orlando where we spent four days hopping around the Disney parks and one evening we went to the Medieval Times dinner show. There were storms on three of the days, but the rain didn't seem to matter much. The girls and my husband and I did just about everything there is to do at Disney. We all got a little (too much maybe) sun and had lots of laughs and thrills thanks to the genius of the FastPass at the Disney rides. Now it is down time for two days and then the girls and I leave for Indiana where we will be spending the better part of July visiting family and friends. The girls have only been out of school for a week and a half and already the summer feels like it is nearly over. When we get back from our visits it will be August and only a few weeks until the new school year starts. My how time flies when you are having fun!

Disney, Here We Come!

We are getting all packed up for our trip to Disney World later this week. It takes several days to get all six of us ready to go. We went to Disney World a couple of years ago during the Christmas holiday. We had fun even though it was crowded. This time everyone is a little older, and taller, and the prospect of being "big enough" is really charging up my two youngest daughters. My youngest one will still be too little to ride some of the rides, but hopefully she won't have to be stuck riding only the spinning teacups (I refuse to do that one!) and the Dumbo ride and all the other similar ones that just go around in a large circle. The other thing that is different about this trip is that we are flying. The thought of herding four children into a plane for a two hour flight was much more attractive to me than packing us all into the car and driving for thirteen hours. Since our oldest is fifteen, this would have been almost as bad as being held hostage for thirteen hours. Only our oldest daughter has flown, so the flying thing is super exciting to the girls. The other thing, and best part about the trip is that we will be meeting up with my sister and her family while we are there. They are flying down from Indiana and we are flying from Virginia. I have not seen my sister in almost a year! It has been a very long and lonely year for me so this will be the cherry on the top of this vacation. My girls miss their cousin so much that my youngest daughter said she is "just gonna tackle him" when she sees him. He's sixteen years old, I'm sure he'll enjoy that! The girls really love their aunt, uncle and cousin that much! Even though this kind of vacation holds no rest and relaxation for me, I think it will rejuvenate me enough to get through one more year of being away from my family. Onward to Disney!

The Importance of Friends

Something that my mother-in-law said to me when she was visiting us at Christmas has been bugging me. When I was lamenting the fact that I missed my friends back in Indiana, she said, "Friends are over-rated." At the time, I thought it was a strange and rather un-helpful statement to make to someone who was clearly homesick and lonely. Anyway, she says a lot of puzzling things that I just have to forget, but this one has stuck with me all this time. Part of the reason it has been dogging me is because I don't believe it's true, and also because my husband, through the years, has also said similar things to me. He has never really put much value on friendships like I have and now I know why. The longer I am married to this man, the more I see how differently our families functions, and what things our indiviual families valued. Even though I hate to admit it, I am awfully thankful I am from the family I came from. I think friendship is something humans can live without, but I don't think you live very well or very happily without friends. I feel terrible to say this, but right now, in this place, I have no friends. Sure, I have acquaintences here: my girls' teachers, a few friendly people at the church I am attending, and two neighbors, but these people while being friendly are not true friends. There isn't anyone here that I can just call to talk to, or to ask to see a movie or go shopping with. It's all very strange to me. I have been finding myself craving adult interaction, but there just isn't any to be had other than my husband, and these days, he's just not all that interesting to me; just too much of a downer to be around him. I guess the good thing is that I still have friends in Indiana so when we eventually get back there, I won't have to start all over in the friend department. In my opinion, friends are just as important as family and I miss having them.

Drowning in a Sea of Unhappy

Have you ever been so unhappy that you just don't know what to do with yourself? I am talking about an all consuming unhappiness that lasts for more than just a day, not sadness really, although there may be a little of that mixed in too. Just an all around unhappiness about nearly everything. In my life I have had times when I have been unhappy and have always been able to dig myself out of it. During those times though, I was not a mother or a wife. I did not have anyone but myself to worry about. The unhappiness I am feeling now is so much more complicated. I have been able to enjoy a few things, and talk myself into being happy for certain moments in time, but this overall unhappiness is about to eat me alive. I have lost all confidence in myself in being able to control my feelings. I am angry at myself that I just cannot let go and be happy with where I am and who I am. For the last eight and a half months I have just barely been able to keep my head above this ocean of unhappy. The only thing that keeps me from drowning in it is my children. I do not want them to know how miserable I am. The old saying, "if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" is playing out in my life. I do not want my family to suffer just because I am unhappy because then everyone will be unhappy. Children should not have to bear the unhappiness of their parents. Every morning after my children are off at school, I try to find things to keep my mind off of my feelings, but the more I try, the worse I feel. I feel like I am betraying myself because I have always been a happy and mostly positive person, now I am so unhappy that I am becoming someone I do not like. I am slowly being pulled under by the current of unhappiness. I just want to have things be the way they were last year at this time. I just want to feel happy, optimistic, and at ease again. I've got to get that back!

Ain't Nobody Happy

Do you ever feel like you just can't do right by your kids and husband? I swear, everytime I try to make plans for my family to do something fun together, a monkey wrench gets thrown into the works. For example, my oldest daughter's school is putting on a stage production of "Willy Wonka" this weekend. The school has been working on it for the whole year, practically, and high school musicals are just fun to go to, so I had her buy tickets. In addition to this, I was trying to be nice and had my eight year old invite one of her friends to go along with us. We invited her friend to ride the bus home, go to the show, and just spend the night since it was probably going to be late when the thing ended. So, all the plans were set, we purchased the tickets (all $70.00 worth) last week and everyone was up for going. Monday, the mother of the little girl that was going with us called and wanted to change the plans we had made because she wanted her daughter to come home after the show--okay--she was still to ride the bus home and go to the show with us. By Wednesday, the mom calls back and cancels the whole thing. Now I am stuck with a ten dollar ticket that was going to be wasted. I asked my second oldest daughter if she had a friend who might want to go, and she called a girl, but she couldn't go. Fine! I was starting to get a little ticked. Yesterday, my second oldest said another one of her friends would like to go. Yeah! We call, I talk to the mom and make arrangements for her daughter to go with us. Finally, it looks like at least I will not have wasted $10.00, so things were looking up. Here we are today, the day of the show and it is 3:30 and my dear, darling husband calls and tells me he might not be able to get away in time to go to the show with us. I'm back to wasting the $10.00 again! I swear I will never try to arrange a fun time for my family. All it does is stress me out, waste my money and "ain't nobody happy!" It just isn't worth it >:(