Now It's Broken

Something happened the other evening that has broken my heart: my oldest daughter called me a racist. I was totally taken by surprise by that and asked her if she truly meant it. When I asked her, she remained silent. In my mind that is a "yes." I was so heartbroken that I didn't know what to do. The incident that occurred that prompted her calling me the "r" word took place in the parking lot of a restaurant where we had just eaten. We were all loading into our car (which takes awhile since there are six of us) and as usual, someone had chosen to try to turn into the parking space next to our car. The driver of the car was bearing down on my daughter who was trying to get into her seat and quickly close the door so "Mr. Impatient" could squeeze into the spot next to us. Never mind that there were about a thousand other empty spaces for him to choose from, he had to have the one next to us. In addition to practically hitting my daughter while she got into the car, this fellow opened his car door so that it was a millimeter from my closed door and just sat there with it open while we were waiting there ready to pull out. To me, that is just inconsiderate, rude and basically stupid, so I said, "Well, no wonder he did that, he is from the Middle East!" Sure, what I said was not very nice, but I was not very happy with him and I said it--it was judgemental, and a generalization about a certain group of people, but a racist I am not. My daughter, in all her 15 year old wisdom, said, "You're such a racist!" I said that that wasn't being a racist, and she continued to say that I was judgemental and mean. I do not think I am racist. I do not believe one race of people is better than another. I do believe that people from different countries who come here to visit and to live are not always aware of the customs we are used to; common courtesies I was taught as a child. This not to say that all people from the Middle East are rude and have no right to be here, that all Asian people are terrible drivers. It just means that I have noticed that sometimes people who come here do not follow the same rules of courtesy and politeness that I was taught was the rule, and I find it annoying and tedious. I told my daughter that by calling me a racist, she was putting me in the same category as people in the Ku Klux Klan, Skinheads, and the Nazis. She still said nothing. So now I'm broken. This daughter who has been so close to me, so fun to be around, who once wrote a paper about how I was a renaissance woman, whom I thought respected me, apparently does not. I am broken now. I am no longer someone she looks up to--only someone whom she has judged to be something awful and wrong and intolerant. It hurts, but from now on, I will be more aware of my careless use of judgement of rude people in parking lots because she is listening and judging me.