Don't Mess With the Undies!

My mother-in-law is visiting this week. This week is going veerrrryyy slllowwwlllyy! Whenever she is here, I am on edge. I don't know if I should just go about my daily routine, or try to work around her and her needs. She is not an early riser--I am because I have four kids and two dogs to take care of. She eats at different times than I do, and does a lot of sitting around and gazing into space. One thing she always wants to do when she is here is the laundry. Now, I am the first to admit that the idea of having my laundry complete and folded sounds good, but the reality is that I just don't want anyone messing with my family's underwear! Not even my own mother. I just think that the state of a family's underwear is a reflection on how good a mother I am. Here is what I mean: my husband's underwear is gross and very large. Lots of stains and various sizes. I try to handle them as little as possible. My mother-in-law might think this is sign that I am neglecting her little boy. My underwear is various sizes and usually in the best condition of the family. I treasure a good fitting pair of undies and I feel violated if anyone other than me messes with them. She might think that I put my needs before everyone else's. My two oldest daughters have gross underwear. I really don't know how it ends up so ugly. I have special tongs I use to put them in the washer if they look particularly gross on any given laundry day. My next to youngest has underwear that is too small--I haven't had time to really pay attention to her stuff. I'm just glad she is wearing some! My youngest daughter, who will be nine this week, still has some underwear that is size 4 that was handed down from her older sisters. With the new puppy in the house all underwear is subject to being chewed on and some already have little holes in them. I just don't want my mother-in-law to know my struggles with underwear. To avoid her handling any of them, I got up early this morning and gathered everyone's undies and washed them, dried them, and folded them. She will surely ask if she can do some more laundry later in the week, but now I can give her kitchen towels to do if she insists. I don't think she can judge anything by doing those. . . except maybe that I sometimes wait so long to wash my kitchen stuff that I am forced to use Christmas dishtowels in the middle of September.

Thinking of Filing for Bankruptcy? DON'T!

If you are currently considering filing for a Chapter 13 bankruptcy, my simple advice to you is this: DO NOT DO IT! Without going into the stupid, gory details of my own ridiculous situation, let me tell you a few things I have learned.

1. Do not trust lawyers. They may think their intentions are good and noble. "I love helping people like you get out of situations like this!" That is good, old-fashioned bull crap. The lawyer is there for one reason, and that is to make money.


2. Do not trust the initial calculations for the "repayment plan." It looks very "do-able" in the beginning, but, as in our case a $1200.00 per month payment plan has now been tinkered with by the lawyer and the trustee so much that the monthly payment is $6000.00. We will now be living below the poverty level for a family of six, but we will not qualify for any school lunch or other assistance.

3. Do not believe for one minute that anyone (your lawyer, the trustee, the judge etc.) is on your side.

4. Do not expect that anything will be done quickly or easily. Everything ends up in turmoil.

5. Do not expect that you and your spouse will ever be the same after this. It is an enormous strain, especially if one spouse has incurred most of the debt.

6. Try to do everything you do with cash only.

7. Pray every during every available minute that a miracle will happen for you.

If there is any possible way for you to avoid filing for bankruptcy (either Chapter 13 or 7) please, please consider it! Bankruptcy sucks and it is ruining what should have been a wonderful life.

Funny How Things Change

I  was at the pool the other day, watching my kids swim when one of my neighbors came over and sat next to me. As moms do at these outdoor adventures, we settled in, and while keeping one eye on our kids, we started talking. After talking about a wide variety of topics, we landed on one that I have been pondering for days now. I have been married for a long time (almost 21 years) and this gal has been married for at least ten, and we were commiserating about how our relationships with our husbands have changed over the years. When a person first meets and starts dating someone, it seems they just can't get enough of each other. I remember going out on  dates with my husband, then coming home and calling him on the phone and talking until we both fell asleep. After we got married, we were both working and couldn't wait to get home to spend time with each other. Next, the babies started coming, and I couldn't wait for my husband to get home to give me some relief and to have someone to talk to. When the kids got a little older, I made a little more of my own "groove". The house was run a certain way during the day, and when dad came home, all attention turned to him. I liked having him around, and I enjoyed hiring a babysitter and going out on dates with him.

Oh my how things have changed! I still care about my husband, and enjoy talking to him most of the time, and I certainly would enjoy it if he would ask me out on a date, but things are a lot different than they used to be! I look forward to the work week so I can have a little peace around the house. I rather like it when my husband calls and says he will be home late. I really like it when he calls and says he has to out of town on a business trip for a few days. I feel different now. I am more confidant, and long for relationships with other people. Often times, my husband comes home and immediately starts yelling at the kids and complaining about the state the house is in (after a day at the pool, I have to admit, no housework gets done!). If he doesn't come storming in spewing out orders, he comes in sullen and silent. Either way, it is uncomfortable and no one wants to be around him. He often complains that no one is interested in him and no one listens to what he says. I am afraid to point out that neither yelling nor sullen behavior attracts any of us to him. He seems to want things both ways: he wants quiet time to unwind from work ("leave me alone") and at the same time wants everyone to lavish attention and affection on him. It is very confusing. It seems that the more time I spend with him, the less I enjoy his company. I believe there is something to the old sayings that go like this: "familiarity breeds contempt" and "absence makes the heart grow fonder."  They are opposites, but are really what my life is all about right now.

Living Through a 3-day Power Outage With a 15 Year Old

I'm surprised we survived. Three days ago, my six year old and I were driving home from a grocery store run (in the next town, of course), and were caught in some nasty weather that resulted in downed trees and powerlines--3 days without power. Thankfully, we made it home safely. Thankfully, last year I insisted that my husband purchase a generator, and thankfully, the power is back on and things will get back to normal. I would have to say that the worst part of being without power was how my 15-year-old coped (or didn't) with the inconvenience. For her, it was an emotional rollercoaster. One minute, she would be patient and would do the little things that the other girls were doing to pass the time; reading, playing games, watching shadows from candles on the wall--all that sort of stuff. The next minute, she would be railing on and on about how stupid the whole thing was; how stupid the power company is; "I hate Virginia" rants. It was difficult to live through for me because I always seem to take those sorts of things personally and think that I have to do something to "fix" it. Obviously, there is nothing to do about a power outage except wait (patiently) for it to come on. I have to remind myself that a teenager looks at her/himself as the sun and all the other planets revolve around her. That is just how they are wired, but it gets awfully tiresome and sometimes I just want to scream: "Would you just GROW UP!!!!" but of course, that's exactly what she is doing, and very normally, I might add.