Another Kick in the Butt

I have written before about this stupid bankruptcy decision we made several months ago. Things just keep getting worse. This has to be one of the worst decisions we ever made! What is happening now is that the car I drive is leased. The lease will be up in a few months, and, according to our lawyer, we are "allowed" to lease a car without going through getting permission from the Trustee. We cannot purchase a car without first getting the okay from the Trustee. We have been getting some fliers and correspondence in the mail about turning in our lease and getting something else. It would be a few months early, but whatever. We thought that maybe we could turn our car in and lease another for a much smaller monthly payment. Anything we can do to help our budget, we are willing to do. So, off we went to the car dealership. We do the little dance you have to do with car salesmen, and then we tell him that our credit stinks and that we are in an active bankruptcy. The salesman didn't really seem shocked or anything and he said, "Well, we work with a lot of folks who have bad credit, so I will talk to our sales manager and see what we can do." I thought, "Gee, for once, things might work out well for us." I thought wrong. The salesman came back (very quickly, I might add) and said that no bank would touch us and that we should just keep the car and turn it in when the lease is up. I can totally understand the car dealership's position, but for us, things won't be any different a few months from now. We will still have the active bankruptcy, and we will still be turning the car in. I am now assuming that when the lease is up, we won't be in any better position to lease another one. It all feels so awful. We are failures! No matter what we try to do, we get bad news, bad results. It feels like we are lepers. Thankfully, my 1974 Ford pick-up truck is running pretty well and my husband's car is in good condition. We will use the truck until it can't be used anymore, and after that, who knows? This is all so humiliating!

If I Hear It One More Time. . .

I hate to still be on the mother-in-law kick, but I swear, if I hear: "What are you fixing for dinner?", "Have you ever made it before?" and "Can I help?" I think my head is going to explode! I don't like it when my kids ask me what I am making for dinner. Usually when they come up with that gem of a question, I answer: "Shit on a stick." That really wouldn't be a very nice thing to say to my mother-in-law though. Every meal I have made this week, she has asked if I have made it before. Even my kids have noticed that she has asked that. I just don't understand the purpose of the question. What difference does it make? Does she think I am going to try out a new recipe on her? I happen to be a pretty good cook, so she really doesn't have any reason to be concerned. I don't cook the same things she did for her family, and to be honest, I never would. I do use some of her recipes when cooking for my family, but I grew up on casseroles, and soups and fondue and experiments my mother used to come up with. My mother-in-law is Italian and her meals consist of breaded meat of some kind, bread, and some kind of pasta, and maybe a salad. That is it. No casseroles, no creativity involved. Half of the time I make something, I don't have the right ingredients so I have to use a substitute, and very often I wing it. While she is here, I usually stick to the tried and true stuff and I make sure I have everything I need. I just feel so weird and a little bit offended when she keeps asking the same question every day. I always give her a very polite "Yes" when answering her, but inside my head, I am screaming "I'm experimenting with arsenic this evening, won't you try some?" As to the last daily question, "Can I help?" Not sure why she asks me that. I think she thinks she has to, but I in my opinion, having someone (anyone, not just her) messing around in my kitchen is not any help. They don't know where anything is and do things differently than I do, so I just don't need that slowing me down. Anyway, she leaves on Sunday, and the Sabbath can't get here soon enough! I'm exhausted!

Don't Mess With the Undies!

My mother-in-law is visiting this week. This week is going veerrrryyy slllowwwlllyy! Whenever she is here, I am on edge. I don't know if I should just go about my daily routine, or try to work around her and her needs. She is not an early riser--I am because I have four kids and two dogs to take care of. She eats at different times than I do, and does a lot of sitting around and gazing into space. One thing she always wants to do when she is here is the laundry. Now, I am the first to admit that the idea of having my laundry complete and folded sounds good, but the reality is that I just don't want anyone messing with my family's underwear! Not even my own mother. I just think that the state of a family's underwear is a reflection on how good a mother I am. Here is what I mean: my husband's underwear is gross and very large. Lots of stains and various sizes. I try to handle them as little as possible. My mother-in-law might think this is sign that I am neglecting her little boy. My underwear is various sizes and usually in the best condition of the family. I treasure a good fitting pair of undies and I feel violated if anyone other than me messes with them. She might think that I put my needs before everyone else's. My two oldest daughters have gross underwear. I really don't know how it ends up so ugly. I have special tongs I use to put them in the washer if they look particularly gross on any given laundry day. My next to youngest has underwear that is too small--I haven't had time to really pay attention to her stuff. I'm just glad she is wearing some! My youngest daughter, who will be nine this week, still has some underwear that is size 4 that was handed down from her older sisters. With the new puppy in the house all underwear is subject to being chewed on and some already have little holes in them. I just don't want my mother-in-law to know my struggles with underwear. To avoid her handling any of them, I got up early this morning and gathered everyone's undies and washed them, dried them, and folded them. She will surely ask if she can do some more laundry later in the week, but now I can give her kitchen towels to do if she insists. I don't think she can judge anything by doing those. . . except maybe that I sometimes wait so long to wash my kitchen stuff that I am forced to use Christmas dishtowels in the middle of September.

Climate Change Change

Yesterday I was looking back at an old blog post I had written about two years ago on another blog site. The post was written after on of my kids came home with her science textbook and a section of the book was talking about how "man" was causing polar bears to become extinct. I really didn't care for the way the book was written and I really started to think about what that particular textbook author's agenda really was.
Notice that two years later the term "global warming" is no longer used. Now we hear about "climate change" which was exactly what I wrote about in my other blog. After posting that blog that was simply stating that man cannot be blamed for every change that is happening, but certainly holds some responsibility for it, I got the nastiest, most caustic and mean comments I think I have ever had for one of my posts. Not even the infamous "Campbell's Soup Commercial" post I wrote on this site got as nasty. Anyway, I can't believe those readers were so quick to say how ignorant, arrogant, and out of touch I was because I simply stated that the earth is not a rock that never changes. It is a living, changing planet that goes through changes on its own without any regard to what man has or has not done. Many animals have died out that we have had nothing to do with. I wondered in that old post if it is our place or not to intervene. The readers who commented about that statement compared me to someone who would through a cat out of a high rise window. They made those comments because they were so convinced that they were right. They were continually bashed me for saying that humans actually do have dominion over animals and we are supposed to be good stewards of our animals and resources, but I do not believe that a polar bear's life is more important than a child's life.Those bloggers were absolutely convinced that man is evil and that animals have more rights than humans. To this day, I cannot understand that kind of thinking. Man, in general is not the enemy. Things that man has done without thinking things through, have obviously impacted the earth in a negative way, but man did not set out to pollute and corrupt the earth. The industrialization of this country was not some sort of evil plan that "man" laid out ruin the planet. That is so ridiculous. So, here we are a couple of years later. I am, at times, a little uneasy about what to blog about. Those terrible comments really hurt--even though I did not intend for what I wrote to be taken so seriously--it was just my usual pondering about things and I was ripped to shreds. I was so upset by the comments that I quit using that blog site to post anything. I also find it interesting that only two years have passed, and our terminology has changed, our sense of urgency about the polar bears' plight has cooled down, and some corruption in the scientific world concerning the truth and validity of their "global warming" facts have come to light. Again, I am not saying that we (man) are not culpable in what is happening to our natural resources. I am saying that we need to be smart about our actions in response to what we are being told about climate change and how we live our lives day to day.

Things Are Getting Pretty Slimy and I Want Out!

As I have written in a couple of previous posts, my husband and I foolishly filed for Chapter 13 bankruptcy in April of this year. We have started our pay back plan and as usual, there is something that is not quite jibing the way we were informed it would. For the last two paychecks, my husband has only brought home a little over $800.00. He is paid every other week, so generally there are two paychecks per month--our family of six is living off of $1600.00 per month. I use the word "living" loosely because all we have been able to do with the money is pay our utilities and buy gas for our cars so we can get to work. I have been able to purchase groceries once in the last four weeks and with four children, $174.00 worth of groceries doesn't last very long. This whole thing has taught me to be humble, that is for sure, however our plan was to leave us with just under $3000.00 per month to pay our bills and buy groceries, pay for doctor visits and those sorts of things. Somehow, though, the lawyer/trustee calculations are not matching up with my husband's deductions from his paycheck. His company is doing exactly as they have been ordered by the court, so their calculations are correct. Our lawyer was rather put out with a rather panic stricken e-mail I sent him last week informing him that we were not going to be able to pay our bills with the money that has been left for us to live on. In a nutshell, he blew me off. Every moment of every day, and all night long, my mind is stuck on how we are going to survive five years of this. Next year one of our children will be going to college and I have no idea how we will pay for it. We won't be able to get a loan, so I am left to worry about that as well. I have been praying about this mess since it all came to light in January. I do believe that prayers are heard and answered, but for me, it never seems to be fast enough. My family is falling into a slimy pit of financial disaster, and I have no solid answer to my prayers. I have a little job that pays a little, but it is only for the school year. I have made an appointment to sell my plasma--I'm trading plasma for gasoline--I feel like a mess. There is a Psalm written by the great King David that has given me a little hope. . . it goes like this: ¹

I waited patiently for the LORD;
       he turned to me and heard my cry.
 ² He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
       out of the mud and mire;
       he set my feet on a rock
       and gave me a firm place to stand.
 ³ He put a new song in my mouth,
       a hymn of praise to our God.
       Many will see and fear
       and put their trust in the LORD.
 ⁴ Blessed is the man
       who makes the LORD his trust,
       who does not look to the proud,
       to those who turn aside to false gods.
 ⁵ Many, O LORD my God,
       are the wonders you have done.
       The things you planned for us
       no one can recount to you;
       were I to speak and tell of them,
       they would be too many to declare.
 ⁶ Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,
       but my ears you have pierced
       burnt offerings and sin offerings
       you did not require.
 ⁷ Then I said, "Here I am, I have come—
       it is written about me in the scroll. 
 ⁸ I desire to do your will, O my God;
       your law is within my heart."
 ⁹ I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly;
       I do not seal my lips,
       as you know, O LORD.
 ¹⁰ I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
       I speak of your faithfulness and salvation.
       I do not conceal your love and your truth
       from the great assembly.
 ¹¹ Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD;
       may your love and your truth always protect me.
 ¹² For troubles without number surround me;
       my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
       They are more than the hairs of my head,
       and my heart fails within me.
 ¹³ Be pleased, O LORD, to save me;
       O LORD, come quickly to help me.
 ¹⁴ May all who seek to take my life
       be put to shame and confusion;
       may all who desire my ruin
       be turned back in disgrace.
 ¹⁵ May those who say to me, "Aha! Aha!"
       be appalled at their own shame.
 ¹⁶ But may all who seek you
       rejoice and be glad in you;
       may those who love your salvation always say,
       "The LORD be exalted!"
 ¹⁷ Yet I am poor and needy;
       may the Lord think of me.
       You are my help and my deliverer;
       O my God, do not delay.

Psalm 40
I am ready to climb out of this slimy pit. I need a little good news. . .