Drowning in a Sea of Unhappy

Have you ever been so unhappy that you just don't know what to do with yourself? I am talking about an all consuming unhappiness that lasts for more than just a day, not sadness really, although there may be a little of that mixed in too. Just an all around unhappiness about nearly everything. In my life I have had times when I have been unhappy and have always been able to dig myself out of it. During those times though, I was not a mother or a wife. I did not have anyone but myself to worry about. The unhappiness I am feeling now is so much more complicated. I have been able to enjoy a few things, and talk myself into being happy for certain moments in time, but this overall unhappiness is about to eat me alive. I have lost all confidence in myself in being able to control my feelings. I am angry at myself that I just cannot let go and be happy with where I am and who I am. For the last eight and a half months I have just barely been able to keep my head above this ocean of unhappy. The only thing that keeps me from drowning in it is my children. I do not want them to know how miserable I am. The old saying, "if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" is playing out in my life. I do not want my family to suffer just because I am unhappy because then everyone will be unhappy. Children should not have to bear the unhappiness of their parents. Every morning after my children are off at school, I try to find things to keep my mind off of my feelings, but the more I try, the worse I feel. I feel like I am betraying myself because I have always been a happy and mostly positive person, now I am so unhappy that I am becoming someone I do not like. I am slowly being pulled under by the current of unhappiness. I just want to have things be the way they were last year at this time. I just want to feel happy, optimistic, and at ease again. I've got to get that back!